Days Are Getting Shorter.

It’s that time of year again, gets darker earlier in the evening and we wait longer for daylight in the morning. Then we have the Time Change weekend coming up and I know that throws a lot of folks off. Personally, I like the Fall Back because we get an extra hour of sleep. But the darker cold weather months can affect me and others mentally.  And there are some therapeutic measures to take—here’s a list: Scented Candles, more lights on (LED bulbs burn less energy), decorate for Fall and don’t stop after Christmas. My favorite winter perk-up is an electric fireplace or stove with the flickering flames. Yes it does help. Foremost, stay your mind on the Best, the Giver of life and Light of the world.* 

*”You will keep perfectly peaceful the one whose mind remains focused on you, because he remains in you,” said Isaiah the prophet in his 26^th chapter. 

My Go-To For When Things Are Just Not Right

This is not necessarily an every day all day kind of situation. My life is full of all kinds of moments day to day. Some are mundane, some are challenging, some are bright and cheery. But then I get that phone call or that memory or that whatever it is  that makes me feel very small against the problem. For example:

I am live witness to a manifestation of sin and it saddens me. I hate when it is that in-my-face, run-me-over type manifestation. I feel helpless. I flail uselessly, recalling better times, wishing, praying wondering why. What a vain struggle. I give that overwhelming concern to the Lord. (I need to repeat this like an exercise, as it's not a One and Done kind of thing.)  When my role or sphere of influence is non-existent or diminished The Lord can handle  it and take it from here. His roles never change. Oh Hallelujah!

Note: In the scripture quoted below, my concept of the enemy is whatever situation that I'm dealing with that  is "Just Not Right", not a person or spiritual entity.

"When the enemy comes in like a flood, The Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him." Isaiah 59:19

Good Friday-How it Works for Me

And it’s a cloudy Good Friday. Good Fridays gone by, growing up Roman Catholic, I attended the observance at church. I see now it is called a Solemn Liturgical Service, but I think it was called something else when I was young. I love my Roman Catholic roots even though I am in a non-Catholic church now. I remember the Catholic Good Friday event included Stations of the Cross. If you have never attended one, it is very enriching and moving. My view of Christian staples like church services, dogma and doctrine have radically changed in the last five years. I even have different thoughts about watching dramatizations about what transpired on Good Friday. But mainly, I am so not about this being about religion. Religion as defined by me: doing things solely because of tradition and/or doing things in an effort to please God and/or doing things out of compulsion/subversion without your heart in it. What happened on Good Friday was horrific and extremely frightening, I think. I really do not want to replay it. I'm not a huge Beatles fan, but the following familiar lines from "Help" describe me then and now, and the main reason for Good Friday - I need help.  A Savior helps; he comes to Help and Help is what I need.

When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way.  But now these days are gone I'm not so self-assured.  Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the door-John Lennon.

Before I knew how much I needed Jesus, when I was 21, I accepted His help.  Life happened and I took my hits and with years came a keen and desperate awareness of how much I did need Help. I have never looked back.

So, what Good Friday's event did for me and what it means to me, that’s something I do want to replay because I want and need help. Personally and publicly I would like to thank Jesus for helping me. 

Weaving

remember these?

When I started this blog I wanted it to be reflections on my prayer journal going back a few months. Whenever I reread what I wrote I am pleasantly surprised and pleased at my progress, no bragging, just simply, the journaling works! So I am going to bring the old journal entries full circle with today in this and future posts. “Only God can take my jumble of random thoughts and feelings and make any sense of them”. (July 2015)

I will be doing some scrapbooking today.  Scrapbooking, like weaving past struggles now overcome, with the present, is therapeutic. I recollect and reflect. My heart and core is “Mother” so that dimension surfaces often. My mother was part and parcel the same way. She was a mom at heart and spoke of things mother often. And she was an encyclopedic resource of child-rearing information for me. Ever get a power surge of emotion from something incidental? I was looking up the name of my favorite cologne maker, Estee Lauder, specifically “Estee”, and had a surge of emotion from the old days of picking out baby names. Really? But we have to pay attention to ourselves. From this I learned that I am not making all this up about this mom stuff, it’s just IN me.

I learn from scrapbooking. In their grown-up selves and when viewing their old photos and mementos, I see elements of myself in each of my children, little glimmers. Things they say or do, like punctuation, direct me to the origin, which is myself. Oh that is me in them, I say to myself with surprise.  And interestingly, each seems to have captured different elements of me. I wonder what would have happened if I continued to have more than three kids—would I know even more about myself through them?

Scrapbooking also is restorative. I have real estate that is my property and I rejoice that it is MINE ALL MINE and no one and no thing can take it away! That is such a good feeling and a powerful one too. I can call this Mental Scrapbooking, no Hobby Lobby purchase required. Remind yourself that what God has given no one can take away, no circumstance, no life event, no loss, no one.

Now, here's dichotomy or irony or something like that for you. As good as it is for me, I have to force myself to do my scrapbook. Why? More on that later. But for now, another quote that can apply to that dilemma or lots of other stuff too: “It's hard work... But I'm going to do it.” (July 2015) By the grace of God

Not Less Than

I remember when my mom and dad had just moved into my home in 1996, when my daughters were ages 11 years, 6 years and 5 months. One day my dad said, "I've lived here long enough to know that you put in a full day". I can't express how gratifying it was to hear those words. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time and I knew in my heart that that was true, but I desperately needed that affirmation. Today, much change later, even with no little ones in the home I hear, understand and know that what I do is meaningful. So when I read my journal prayer from last June, "One day I will wake up on a work day and not feel inadequate. In Jesus Name", I realize I now have been experiencing God, my heavenly Dad, restoring those years. If I ever am feeling "less than", I remind myself I am esteemed—my DAD says so.

Reflections on journal June 18-29, 2015

Out of the Puzzle and Into the Pool

That was how I ended one of my journal entries. So I decided to make something out of it. I made an acronym. The puzzle was all my questions and wonderings and the pool was life. So:

Plan

Overcome what you can

Overlook what you can’t overcome

Live

Planning means I'm going to do something about something and I'm going to decide what I'm going to do even if it’s one thing.

Overlook. I've made great strides in the last year. With God’s help, most of this can be attributed to:  just stop the striving. Watching my old self through my journal, I looked like a helpless puppy trying to get out of a ditch. Over and over, the same struggle. Giving up is sometimes the best solution. It’s so peaceful to give up and have confidence in God to take care of me. Whatever the current immovable object is-illness, getting older, x situation - if I took a cross section of my life at any given time, would I love everything? So no sense in rebelling against the here and now.

Overcome. Once again, I can’t do this myself. A lot of people are doing life without God, I know. They are making money/have friends/success/happiness. For all practical purposes, they seem to have a good life. I was one of those so I know. But I was using other means to overcome and they were just not healthy. I paid for that and still pay. So, God is a better choice. Yay God! My need for Him trumps all.

Live. Where are you emotionally entrenched? If it's the place you want to be, Live there. If not, remodel, redecorate and make it yours. Sometimes you need to hire the Emotional Moving Van and get on down the road to your emotional Dream House. This is not about a literal change in living situation. This is about where and how you invest. Sometimes it may be necessary to take action but always, we are in charge of our emotional landscape.  Even if hindered by circumstances, we have some control.

Prove you are living. Sometimes things just get better and it’s hard to tell if I overcame or the tide turned for the good. What if it was taken away again? Would I crumble or remember this progress and triumph again? I'm only human so I don’t know. But I want to go on living and proving.

My Mathematical Prayer: Please subtract from my life everything that doesn't belong, add what is missing, multiply what remains and divide by One.

Reflections on June 8-17, 2015

Distance Life

I just returned from one of my seasonal trips to Indiana, my other home. Traveling back and forth can be a grind, but I must like it because I’m looking up flights for the next trip. It takes 2 hours and 10 minutes to get from Jacksonville to Chicago, but that is not what actually happens. Time is invested in getting to and from airports, checking in, waiting in the airport and getting luggage. I would love to walk out my front door and be at my destination in the 2 hours and 10 minutes it actually takes to get there!  So, I redeem the time. I do work on my laptop, play a game or read on my Kindle app on my iPad. Or I muse, gazing out the window, at the topography, roads, buildings and clouds (I always try to get a window seat). At takeoff, I become like a child as I listen to the jet engines accelerate, the plane goes from dead stop or slow crawl to whooshing, forceful “V_r”(rotation speed) which is a fun 200 or so mph. Then the giant metal thing actually angles up from the runway and leaves the ground! Yes, I still marvel.

While in the air, my thoughts, when not amusing myself with my previously mentioned activities go here and there:  What do I need to do or plan to do once I arrive at whichever home I’m headed to, reminisces of mothering days and wistful empty nest thoughts, my erstwhile question of what am I supposed to be doing or doing differently in my occupation.

Sometimes I wonder if I am pursuing my passion. That’s what I keep hearing about from one speaker or blogger or another. I am kind of diverse so I am not always sure what it is. Being a mom is a major but I, er, have been laid off due to lack of work. Haha. No really, I am being humorous. I like scrapbooking . So that would be arranging all the pictures and mementos of motherhood days, huh. Bingo, there we are again. But I do love scrapbooking and would like to do more of it.

While away I live in our house alone until my husband joins me for the last week of the trip. I used to consider myself a loner because I don’t need constant interaction. I now know better. I like having people around even though any/all people = drama. Right?  It's quite a paradox. I have gained a whole new respect for folks who live alone. My Aunt Rose lived alone almost 50 years from the time her husband died until she passed away at age 101. And she didn’t even have a pet! How did she do it? I have had to grow in that area and God has helped me progress.

Distance Life. For the last 12 years, it has been my life, and I have gone through lots of phases.  This last year of traveling to and fro three or four weeks at a time in Indiana several times during the year feels like my reward for the struggle. Takeaway is God has helped me with it and through it all. He is good and really does make all things work together for my good. (Romans 8:28)