That's an expression we all use, "Those were the days", when we are recollecting good times from long ago. I have lots of treasured memories from my past, but I can't say it was all good on my part. Current situation: Likely people who know me would consider my lifestyle a "straight and narrow" variety—you know, I go to church, and don't do the Don't Dos. Lots of the people who know me now have no idea about anything from my distant past. In my early days as a teen and young adult, I literally lived for the weekends when I could do what I liked best: get drunk and smoke pot/weed. I was straight on the weekdays and was either in school and working part-time or full time. Some people who I have shared this with tell me they can't imagine me smoking cigarettes, cussing, or getting drunk/stoned. And, anyone who knows my current entertainment filters would be surprised to see what was on my TV/movie menu back then. I thought I was OK because I was a nice person-friendly, trustworthy and responsible. I was not aggressive toward others, (I "wasn't hurting anyone".) I had been brought up to believe in God and Jesus, but fell away from it in high school because I wanted a social life. It seemed like it was worth it, and I justified my choice by my loneliness without a social life. Those initial decisions to do whatever it takes to be in a tribe led to more of the same until I wasn’t sure there was a God. I rationalized that by all kinds of arguments. I cannot regret enough my decision to turn away from God and the faith my parents taught me, and have paid the price. While I was away from God I always had moments when my “heart was pricked”. One example is I would be returning from some kind of partying or on my way to it and see a little church on the roadside with cars parked out front. It would hit me that there was another world that I had left that was still there. I would feel it – and ignore it. Of course, God did not give up on me. His Holy Spirit was at work in ways that were subtle and some not so subtle to woo me and have me where He wanted me all along, in His family with a social life of His design that was way better than the one I had sacrificed too much to gain. One of His representatives, Carolyn Lattanzi, my then-coworker was on special duty to tell me what I needed to hear. She was preachin’ it: Jesus is the Savior and Mediator, the world is on a destruction course, and His Love for us. When I argued that I was not a bad person, she quoted the scripture that “our righteousnesses are as filthy rags”, (Isaiah 64:6). That hit hard. Next to God’s righteousness, whatever “good” I think I am is still pretty shabby. I rejected and resisted until I had to admit there was truth in what she said. Game over. I had a dream one night that Jesus was coming and I knew “how to get there”. The next day I returned to following Christ. This was in 1981. I have never looked back since. I plan to keep moving forward and glorify Jesus Christ until I die.
This is quite a condensed version, but feel free to ask me questions.
- Mary Ann Stein Raulerson
