Those Were the Days - NOT!

That's an expression we all use, "Those were the days", when we are recollecting good times from long ago. I have lots of treasured memories from my past, but I can't say it was all good on my part. Current situation:  Likely people who know me would consider my lifestyle a "straight and narrow" variety—you know, I go to church, and don't do the Don't Dos. Lots of the people who know me now have no idea about anything from my distant past. In my early days as a teen and young adult, I literally lived for the weekends when I could do what I liked best: get drunk and smoke pot/weed. I was straight on the weekdays and was either in school and working part-time or full time.  Some people who I have shared this with tell me they can't imagine me smoking cigarettes, cussing, or getting drunk/stoned. And, anyone who knows my current entertainment filters would be surprised to see what was on my TV/movie menu back then. I thought I was OK because I was a nice person-friendly, trustworthy and responsible. I was not aggressive toward others, (I "wasn't hurting anyone".) I had been brought up to believe in God and Jesus, but fell away from it in high school because I wanted a social life. It seemed like it was worth it, and I justified my choice by my loneliness without a social life. Those initial decisions to do whatever it takes to be in a tribe led to more of the same until I wasn’t sure there was a God. I rationalized that by all kinds of arguments. I cannot regret enough my decision to turn away from God and the faith my parents taught me, and have paid the price. While I was away from God I always had moments when my “heart was pricked”.  One example is I would be returning from some kind of partying or on my way to it and see a little church on the roadside with cars parked out front. It would hit me that there was another world that I had left that was still there. I would feel it – and ignore it. Of course, God did not give up on me. His Holy Spirit was at work in ways that were subtle and some not so subtle to woo me and have me where He wanted me all along, in His family with a social life of His design that was way better than the one I had sacrificed too much to gain. One of His representatives, Carolyn Lattanzi, my then-coworker was on special duty to tell me what I needed to hear. She was preachin’ it: Jesus is the Savior and Mediator, the world is on a destruction course, and His Love for us. When I argued that I was not a bad person, she quoted the scripture that “our righteousnesses are as filthy rags”, (Isaiah 64:6).  That hit hard. Next to God’s righteousness, whatever “good” I think I am is still pretty shabby. I rejected and resisted until I had to admit there was truth in what she said. Game over. I had a dream one night that Jesus was coming and I knew “how to get there”. The next day I returned to following Christ. This was in 1981. I have never looked back since. I plan to keep moving forward and glorify Jesus Christ until I die.
This is quite a condensed version, but feel free to ask me questions.
- Mary Ann Stein Raulerson

My Epiphany Experience

When I suddenly notice what has forever been before me like a towering monument of truth, I am having an Epiphany. I am happy to announce, I Am Free! I am free of compulsion to model my life after my former vision of Success. How did this happen?

I have been guilty of borrowing someone else’s playbook to fulfill my dreams, hence obstructing my own vision. A series of recent, unrelated distressing events led to my epiphany experience. My day-to-day took on some burdensome alterations and my time was eaten up by these intrusions. I went for weeks without “normal life”. I was not aware that these circumstances removed me from my misplaced ambitions and that my values were evolving—until the circumstances ended. Now I see how God truly does work all things for my good, (I am a Christian and that is a paraphrased excerpt from my favorite Bible verse, Romans 8:28), even things that for the present, seem to be ruining plans and taking me off the rails.

Lessons Learned:

·         First, do not borrow other people’s playbooks no matter how much I admire them, how successful they are or how convenient it is.

·         Query my plans, hopes dreams. Am I trying to please someone, impress, make myself more of something, make myself into something? Is my self esteem involved? There are plenty of other questions to prayerfully consider.

·         Know that even prayer doesn’t always prevent a detour on the way to the answer.  In my case I think the answer to the prayer was the detour. It reminds me of a lesson from a childhood favorite. In the film, The Wizard of Oz, Glenda the Good Witch of the North allowed Dorothy to travel to Oz to use the power she already had in the ruby slippers. Glenda knew that the treacherous detour allowed Dorothy to realize there is no place like home. Detours can yield a lot of priceless learning.

·         Do not do something just because I can.

·         Take cues from those closest and most supportive.

·         When a light-up-the-sky moment occurs, take note. A light-up-the-sky moment is one that causes a brightening in emotions, a lightening of the load, inspiration and joy. Drop what I am doing and take note immediately. Follow and track like I am on a Treasure Hunt.

Put a Wreath On The Door

So here it is January 7 and my Christmas tree is still up. I've been looking at it and thinking, and I just decided to keep it up a while longer. For years I used to keep the tree up until Epiphany, January 6. That was tradition and I think I’ll revive it. Epiphany, for anyone who may not be familiar with it is the day to commemorate the visit to the Christ Child by the wise men from the East. It's the last official calendar day for Christmas holy days.

Looking at my tree, I also hesitated to take it down because of its presence. What else can I use to fill up that space where the twinkling colorful lit grandeur of my tree was? And it is a three-dimensional scrapbook, with mementos and dated ornaments galore.

So what to do? Is there still a reason to be festive, celebrate and be merry? I sure hope so. It can’t just end with the last piece of décor being packed away. So I will FIND reasons to celebrate, some that aren’t dependent on a calendar or a season. There may be no more tree, but I will hang a wreath on my door and celebrate!

P.S. I'm leaning toward a rag wreath. I have an old wreath form, fabric scraps are easy to come by and I am sure I can find a way to add some meaning and significance to each scrap - sort of like a quilt!

Here's a link with directions on how to make a rag wreath: Rag Wreath How-To

The Resurrection Just ENDED It (Death and Lots of Stuff)

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I read my devotions today, the same book I have been using since 2014. But there is always something new to learn, I guess! The devotion talked about Jesus' entry into Jerusalem when the crowds waved palm branches and greeted him with great joy. But it went on to say, "They did not know that their joy would lie in the grave with Him for three days."

At that point I  had a “Wait, what?” moment: “their joy would lie in the grave with Him for three days…” Joy lying in the grave, that was the breakthrough concept.  My joy lies in the grave until I recognize the potency of Jesus' resurrection; until that resurrection is awakened in me, recognized and seen and felt by me. His resurrection covers it. All the death in the world—hatred, unforgiveness, coldness, sickness, hardheartedness, misery, destruction, sadness, depression, and on and on—all that is death, including death, is overcome by one action, the resurrection of Jesus. It’s over, Death. It’s over, Heaviness. It’s over, Sad Memories. It’s over, Losses-that-are-irretrievable. It’s over, Guilt. It’s over, Anxiety. It’s over, Fear. It’s over, Sickness. It’s over, Sad Outcomes. It’s over,  Circumstances-beyond-my-control. It’s over, __________________ . Join me!

It may need to be repeated and relearned again and again for me, but I know truth when I see it and feel it.

"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - I Corinthians 15:56-7

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