Not Less Than

I remember when my mom and dad had just moved into my home in 1996, when my daughters were ages 11 years, 6 years and 5 months. One day my dad said, "I've lived here long enough to know that you put in a full day". I can't express how gratifying it was to hear those words. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time and I knew in my heart that that was true, but I desperately needed that affirmation. Today, much change later, even with no little ones in the home I hear, understand and know that what I do is meaningful. So when I read my journal prayer from last June, "One day I will wake up on a work day and not feel inadequate. In Jesus Name", I realize I now have been experiencing God, my heavenly Dad, restoring those years. If I ever am feeling "less than", I remind myself I am esteemed—my DAD says so.

Reflections on journal June 18-29, 2015

Out of the Puzzle and Into the Pool

That was how I ended one of my journal entries. So I decided to make something out of it. I made an acronym. The puzzle was all my questions and wonderings and the pool was life. So:

Plan

Overcome what you can

Overlook what you can’t overcome

Live

Planning means I'm going to do something about something and I'm going to decide what I'm going to do even if it’s one thing.

Overlook. I've made great strides in the last year. With God’s help, most of this can be attributed to:  just stop the striving. Watching my old self through my journal, I looked like a helpless puppy trying to get out of a ditch. Over and over, the same struggle. Giving up is sometimes the best solution. It’s so peaceful to give up and have confidence in God to take care of me. Whatever the current immovable object is-illness, getting older, x situation - if I took a cross section of my life at any given time, would I love everything? So no sense in rebelling against the here and now.

Overcome. Once again, I can’t do this myself. A lot of people are doing life without God, I know. They are making money/have friends/success/happiness. For all practical purposes, they seem to have a good life. I was one of those so I know. But I was using other means to overcome and they were just not healthy. I paid for that and still pay. So, God is a better choice. Yay God! My need for Him trumps all.

Live. Where are you emotionally entrenched? If it's the place you want to be, Live there. If not, remodel, redecorate and make it yours. Sometimes you need to hire the Emotional Moving Van and get on down the road to your emotional Dream House. This is not about a literal change in living situation. This is about where and how you invest. Sometimes it may be necessary to take action but always, we are in charge of our emotional landscape.  Even if hindered by circumstances, we have some control.

Prove you are living. Sometimes things just get better and it’s hard to tell if I overcame or the tide turned for the good. What if it was taken away again? Would I crumble or remember this progress and triumph again? I'm only human so I don’t know. But I want to go on living and proving.

My Mathematical Prayer: Please subtract from my life everything that doesn't belong, add what is missing, multiply what remains and divide by One.

Reflections on June 8-17, 2015

Distance Life

I just returned from one of my seasonal trips to Indiana, my other home. Traveling back and forth can be a grind, but I must like it because I’m looking up flights for the next trip. It takes 2 hours and 10 minutes to get from Jacksonville to Chicago, but that is not what actually happens. Time is invested in getting to and from airports, checking in, waiting in the airport and getting luggage. I would love to walk out my front door and be at my destination in the 2 hours and 10 minutes it actually takes to get there!  So, I redeem the time. I do work on my laptop, play a game or read on my Kindle app on my iPad. Or I muse, gazing out the window, at the topography, roads, buildings and clouds (I always try to get a window seat). At takeoff, I become like a child as I listen to the jet engines accelerate, the plane goes from dead stop or slow crawl to whooshing, forceful “V_r”(rotation speed) which is a fun 200 or so mph. Then the giant metal thing actually angles up from the runway and leaves the ground! Yes, I still marvel.

While in the air, my thoughts, when not amusing myself with my previously mentioned activities go here and there:  What do I need to do or plan to do once I arrive at whichever home I’m headed to, reminisces of mothering days and wistful empty nest thoughts, my erstwhile question of what am I supposed to be doing or doing differently in my occupation.

Sometimes I wonder if I am pursuing my passion. That’s what I keep hearing about from one speaker or blogger or another. I am kind of diverse so I am not always sure what it is. Being a mom is a major but I, er, have been laid off due to lack of work. Haha. No really, I am being humorous. I like scrapbooking . So that would be arranging all the pictures and mementos of motherhood days, huh. Bingo, there we are again. But I do love scrapbooking and would like to do more of it.

While away I live in our house alone until my husband joins me for the last week of the trip. I used to consider myself a loner because I don’t need constant interaction. I now know better. I like having people around even though any/all people = drama. Right?  It's quite a paradox. I have gained a whole new respect for folks who live alone. My Aunt Rose lived alone almost 50 years from the time her husband died until she passed away at age 101. And she didn’t even have a pet! How did she do it? I have had to grow in that area and God has helped me progress.

Distance Life. For the last 12 years, it has been my life, and I have gone through lots of phases.  This last year of traveling to and fro three or four weeks at a time in Indiana several times during the year feels like my reward for the struggle. Takeaway is God has helped me with it and through it all. He is good and really does make all things work together for my good. (Romans 8:28)